I feel like I am living a lie

I really do I so want to discover myself, what if what I am dreaming of is not me is not what I want. If I am not able to discover, to try, to experience how will I ever know. Maybe I am not living a lie maybe this is the life I will want but I will never know if I yern for other things.

Alcoholism

As a son of an alcoholic & a sufferer of chronic depression it is such a struggle for me to not take up the torch that my father has passed to me and become an alcoholic. I wonder what it would be like some times though. Currently I abstain from alcohol .oO(mainly because my wife is scared of me becoming a boozer) but I don't believe that is beating it, it is more like avoiding it.

Sad Days

Today my wife went into hospital for surgery. I was quite a sad experience having to leave her there. I am crossing everything I have that things go well.

Business

My wife and I are starting a business together as partners. We are taking our time and really planning everything thoroughly. We have been accepted into NEIS. We met our accoutant today and he had plenty of good ideas and helpful advice, even though we paid for his services, I think he has saved us a lot of money.

Living with the In-Laws

Spent a couple of days at the in-laws place just spending some quality family time. I don't mind spending time with my in-laws most of the time .oO(some times there eccentricities grate on me), it just wears me out sometimes as I am an introvert who has no time alone to recharge.

Easter Lunch/Dinner thing

I went to an easter dinner that was held at 4:30pm, strange time for a dinner, and again I just felt like the fifth wheel. I know I have to go to these things for it to feel more comfortable but how long is it going to take. I just feel like an outsider everywhere.