Why I don't use Twiter

8:00am Wake up

8:30am Get up

8:45am Shower

9:30am Arrive at work

10:00am Open the shop

10:00pm Close the shop

10:15pm Eat dinner in fornt of the TV

12:00am Go to bed

Medication

I take Panamax for physical pain.

I take Glucosamine Fort for Arthritis

I take Lexapro for mood stabilisation

What do you take for emotional pain???

Working 'round the house

I did some work around the the house yesterday. I mowed the back lawn and did some washing. It felt good I hope I can keep it up, I don't expect it to, hope I can surprise myself. The lawn mowing had a very "man" and "accomplished" feel about it.

I feel like I am living a lie

I really do I so want to discover myself, what if what I am dreaming of is not me is not what I want. If I am not able to discover, to try, to experience how will I ever know. Maybe I am not living a lie maybe this is the life I will want but I will never know if I yern for other things.

Where the hell is my phone

The last time I lost my phone I found it in a place my wife had already searched then within a couple of days it went missing again. I think my wife is stealing my phone, I have had enough I think I will shut it off, just disconnect it, there is no point having a mobile phone if you can never have it. .oO(or is my paranoia).

Just appologise

It is just not worth it I just need to appologise in such a way that does not arrouse suspisions as I can never remember enough of the details to make an accurate assessment of who is right. I think she knows too and uses it to argue more efficently .oO(or just my paranoia running away with me).

Alcoholism

As a son of an alcoholic & a sufferer of chronic depression it is such a struggle for me to not take up the torch that my father has passed to me and become an alcoholic. I wonder what it would be like some times though. Currently I abstain from alcohol .oO(mainly because my wife is scared of me becoming a boozer) but I don't believe that is beating it, it is more like avoiding it.

Sad Days

Today my wife went into hospital for surgery. I was quite a sad experience having to leave her there. I am crossing everything I have that things go well.

Fight

I had a fight with my wife this morning and it hurts. I am not sure really why we had the fight, I guess it is the 13 -15 hour days we've been working and my illness. I hate to fight, it gives me a bad feeling like I've done something wrong but I can't work out weather it is me in the wrong or not so I guess I should just assume that it is me all the time appologise and get on with life.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Prison

Apparently it is me who is creating a prison by not just doing the things that I want to do. I just give into others assuming I am the one who causes there emotions when I don't do what they want.

The Carlton Blues :(

My team lost last night and I could feel it affecting me I got so disheartened and sad. I'm not sure why it affected me so, as it is just a game. Mayhaps it was a little of the the lost and the fact that my dad had call that morning.

What is it that I am meant to be doing?

I have a knot in my stomach that makes me feel ill. it feels like I am meant to be doing something and that time is running out but I don't know what it is I should be doing or how long I have left.